Treasure

I could swear
I dreamed of you
Long ago…
But a dream
So long forgotten…
Lost

Lost perhaps
With the incredible loss
Of hope
Love
Life…
So much more…

There was
So much devastation
In my heart
My spirit
My mind
In all that I am
Utter devastation
Of the thing
That once I was…

This
Was long ago
Seemingly
Endless ages
Past and faded
In the mists of another time
Now even half forgotten
Mostly forgotten
Pushed from memory
For the sake
Of living

But that dream…
I know
You were there
Flashing
Your brilliant smile
Calming the turmoil
Of my spirit
Thrilling to life
My zombie heart
Like a wondrous sunset
Blazing on mountains
Clouds and seas and lakes
Haunting my thoughts
My heart
With fancies of love
And tenderness

Then…
Then…..
The cataclysmic devastation…
That rendered my heart
And all that I was
Asunder

It came to pass
I stopped believing
Refused to believe
You existed

In the years
Seemingly countless years
That have come to pass
As my heart
Began to mend
In the impossible aftermath
Of that devastation
The soul-shattering devastation
Miracle of miracles
My shredded heart
Shattered soul
Broken spirit
Began to heal

Still I chose
To lock you from me
All of me
My heart
My hopes
My dreams

And that dream
So long ago
Wherein you thrilled
My feeble heart
With your beauty
Your remarkable beauty
Your genuine beauty

I rendered it from me
That dream
To survive
I rendered
The thought and fancy
From my mind
The hope from my heart
I had no choice
At the time
I could not live
If I held onto the hope
That you were real

Yet…
It would seem
Your touch within me
Through this forgotten dream
Through the unchartable destruction
Of all I was
All that I ever
Had the chance to be

It would seem
Your touch within me
Lost in the sordid haze
Of every imaginable pain
All conceivable hells
Remained

Your remarkable touch
Within this that I am
Remained
Through it all

Now
I begin to remember
It was so long ago
So abysmally long ago
I would permit
Myself to dream
Of one such as you

Now
Here you are
And I stand
Deeply inspired
Touched
In all that I am
Inspired
To believe
Hope
And dream

Perhaps
I am stronger now
Perhaps
I will venture to dream
Once again
And hope within

Perhaps
It is time
I let my heart dream
And hope
Once and for all
For one
Such as you
For love
Such as yours

Deception

You seem to assume
To know me
Who I am
What I am
My intentions
My purpose

You cannot know
The impossible life
Behind this that I am
You cannot know
Or begin to know
This that I am

I sought only to learn
A little about you
For when first I saw you
My heart was touched
You were as a sunset
Gleaming on the clouds
With impossible splendor
And I was touched
I heard you speak
Words with depth
Knowledge and understanding
The sunset on which I gazed
Grew even more splendid
I sought only to learn more
About this sunset

Perhaps you assume
To know my aim
Thinking it must be
To win your heart
And know your form
Perhaps you believe
That my goal
A simple roll in the sack

No…
In the years
That make my life
I have learned
Bitter lessons
Hard lessons
Many lessons
Lessons of the heart
Tearing and dismal lessons
Of the heart
Lessons of understanding
Of the soul

Amongst my teachings
That which life has taught
This that I am
I have learned
To reach with my heart
When touched
To seek greater understanding
When charmed
Held in the terrific splendor
Of a gleaming sunset
Even at great risk
Risk of rejection
Misunderstanding
Or even discovering
That the sunset
Was but a reflection
Of my standing hope
For a sparkling diamond
In the rough

I know
You will see me
Through the powerful filter
Of your experience
Perhaps this experience
Has never seen
Known
The likes of me
Perhaps you find it difficult
To believe
My aim
My goal
Was simply
To take the time
To learn about you

This has been the way
With me
It seems
I am often
Misunderstood

So
Think what you will
Of me
Fortress yourself
Within your assumptions
Lay guesses and ponderings
About this that I am
Rather than venturing
To learn
And understand
Solace your heart
With the belief
That I
Fit within your understanding
That I
Am like any other man
Just some bloke
Looking for affection
A piece of ass
Convince yourself
That I am not genuine
Honest or real
Truly interested
In learning
About the person
You are
In just taking the time
To get to know you
Choose to believe
That I
Perhaps even all men
Are driven
Solely on instinct
To mate
Only interested
In playing
The necessary games
To win your affection

Not all men
Are wired this way
But perhaps
You may never realize this
Safely fortressed
Behind your blinding assumptions
Behind your veil
Your filter
Of deception