This was written to a woman who’s name I have forgotten. She used to attend a music and poetry open mic I went to in Cotati, California, an hours drive south of Ukiah, where I lived at the time. If you read this poem and then turn around and read a more recent poem, you’ll see that my approach to the art has changed dramatically over the years.
Treasure
I could swear
I dreamed of you
Long ago…
But a dream
So long forgotten…
Lost
Lost perhaps
With the incredible loss
Of hope
Love
Life…
So much more…
There was
So much devastation
In my heart
My spirit
My mind
In all that I am
Utter devastation
Of the thing
That once I was…
This
Was long ago
Seemingly
Endless ages
Past and faded
In the mists of another time
Now even half forgotten
Mostly forgotten
Pushed from memory
For the sake
Of living
But that dream…
I know
You were there
Flashing
Your brilliant smile
Calming the turmoil
Of my spirit
Thrilling to life
My zombie heart
Like a wondrous sunset
Blazing on mountains
Clouds and seas and lakes
Haunting my thoughts
My heart
With fancies of love
And tenderness
Then…
Then…..
The cataclysmic devastation…
That rendered my heart
And all that I was
Asunder
It came to pass
I stopped believing
Refused to believe
You existed
In the years
Seemingly countless years
That have come to pass
As my heart
Began to mend
In the impossible aftermath
Of that devastation
The soul-shattering devastation
Miracle of miracles
My shredded heart
Shattered soul
Broken spirit
Began to heal
Still I chose
To lock you from me
All of me
My heart
My hopes
My dreams
And that dream
So long ago
Wherein you thrilled
My feeble heart
With your beauty
Your remarkable beauty
Your genuine beauty
I rendered it from me
That dream
To survive
I rendered
The thought and fancy
From my mind
The hope from my heart
I had no choice
At the time
I could not live
If I held onto the hope
That you were real
Yet…
It would seem
Your touch within me
Through this forgotten dream
Through the unchartable destruction
Of all I was
All that I ever
Had the chance to be
It would seem
Your touch within me
Lost in the sordid haze
Of every imaginable pain
All conceivable hells
Remained
Your remarkable touch
Within this that I am
Remained
Through it all
Now
I begin to remember
It was so long ago
So abysmally long ago
I would permit
Myself to dream
Of one such as you
Now
Here you are
And I stand
Deeply inspired
Touched
In all that I am
Inspired
To believe
Hope
And dream
Perhaps
I am stronger now
Perhaps
I will venture to dream
Once again
And hope within
Perhaps
It is time
I let my heart dream
And hope
Once and for all
For one
Such as you
For love
Such as yours
