If there is one thing cancer is good at, it’s sucking up the energy and brain space for creative pursuits. Over the past several months I’ve tried again and again to start or work on poems focused on this or that subject, but in the end I’m just not feeling it. Cancer, however, is another story entirely.
Just call it cancer
It’s okay, really. Just say it,
“Cancer.”
You won’t be saying something
we don’t already know. In fact,
it could even be cathartic
to hear that quaver in your voice
as the dreaded word tears up
from clear, clean lungs through
unobstructed airways past vibrant
vocal chords, an articulate tongue
and pink, nonmalignant gums
that bite bitterly down at the end,
“Cancer.”
It won’t add weight to the struggle
to hear it said plainly, clearly.
After stainless steel biopsies;
penetrating scans; reports and cross-
sections reviewed with surgeons
and oncologists; second opinions
sought from beyond the horizon;
radiation burns seared deep
into the soul; gut-wrenching poisons;
time lost to anesthesia; and the slow,
steady crawl of recovery—we won’t
buckle at the knees and collapse
utterly to hear that singular word,
“Cancer.”
It won’t summon some ancient
terror from the void—It’s already
here, lurking in warm red darkness,
bending all of life toward the hazy
event horizon of uncertainty.
It changes nothing to call it
“the big C” or even “the struggle.”
Just go ahead and call this black
hole of mutinous selfhood by name,
“Cancer.”
This is largely inspired by the tendency of people to go well out of their way to avoid saying the word “cancer” even as they ask about or otherwise discuss it. While I get that this represents an attempt to be sensitive, it can also be frustrating because it’s hard not to feel like you’re being coddled.
