Fizzle

This is something along the lines of impressionist poetry.

Fizzle

I’ll grant you dreams
  which fold the beams
    of light until
      your shadow gleams

I’ll grant you shame
  to bless your name
    with blissful guilt
      and narrow fame

I’ll grant you tears
  a moment’s fears
    a glimpse of joy
      the span of years

I’ll grant you pain
  the crushing reign
    of silence forced
      across your vane

I’ll grant you space
  to briefly trace
    the edges of
      your aging face

I’ll grant you breath
  filled brim with wrath
    a glass of wine
      to drink your death

take me

Latest spill-over. Had Cohen‘s “Dance me to the end of love” stuck in my head so fiercely that I couldn’t make any progress on another poem I’ve been working on. So I decided to write something with a similar feel to it—but without the refrain and chorus—to see if I could get Cohen’s song out of my skull enough to focus.

take me

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

Maybe I’ve learned a something through my study of Cohen’s poetry. His earlier poems were usually terrible, but his more recent material is outstanding on average. This is what I hope will happen with my own work as the years wear on—Steady improvement.

Echolalia

As I read an in-depth article on the differentia of Verse, Prose, and Poetry, I stumbled across something called echolalia. A beautiful sounding word. Too bad it’s more or less useless outside pathology, educational psychology, and the trivia of obscure definitions. Still, I wanted to play with the concept, and so I ended up tapping this out.

Echolalia

Stars are falling falling through the dark
and through the dark a strong wind thrusts and parries
a strong wind thrust and parries like a sword
thrusts and parries like a long broad sword
and like a long broad sword your words cut deep
your words cut deep and disconnect the tendons
disconnect the tendons of my trust
my trust which slacks and falls like quartered meat
which slacks and falls like quartered meat for sell

I reminisce on stars for some strange reason
for some strange reason I remember stars
I remember stars which fell and faded
which fell and faded in the long dark night
and in the long dark night we held each other
we held each other by curling sea
and by the curling sea our toes were curled
our toes were curled with broken ecstasy
in broken ecstasy we slid to sleep

And stars are falling now from baring skies
from baring skies which deepen like a flood
which deepen like a flood of blackest water
of blackest water spread throughout my soul
spread throughout my soul like acid loss
an acid loss that eats away my trust
that eats away my trust until I’m left
until I’m left like bleached and barren bone
like bleached and barren bone devoid of life

The content is more or less inspired by actual feelings and events. And despite the silliness of the poem, the impact of the echolalia is kind of surprising.

Fuzzy Time

“Fuzzy time” is a term used where I work to describe the time between about 3:30 and 5:30 AM, when the ghosts seem pretty active, and the psyche more susceptible. Life takes on the surreal hues of dream during this time, sometimes making it a little unclear as to what is real and what is not.

          Fuzzy Time

               a little hand taps
          out circles of doubt
past slower moments
          until the glass cracks
     shattering time

               cold moments pulsate
          through radar temples
deep into memory
          where doorframes sentinel
     long dark halls

               beige walls with plastic
          wood veneer blur
into a long dirty strip
          of brown decay
     half vacuumed

               waking dreams irrupt
          on long still hours
like headlights from the void
          minutes whitewashed
     with faces half remembered

               syncopated snores
          crack the varied drones
of forced industrial air
          muffled boombox beats
     and mental monologues

Eye Fatigue

I have spent the first five or so weeks where I work sitting at a desk throughout the night in a dark group home unit. The only real light is a two foot long florescent bulb, fixed to the wall about two feet above the desk. So, just above eye level. Directly under the light is a fish tank with six gold fish swimming about, occasionally splashing a few drops out onto my laptop.

If you’ve ever seen a fish tank in a dark room with one strong light situated directly over it, then you might have an idea what of what it’s like to sit at this desk, hour after hour, with this fish tank wrinkling surreal light into your face while the full effect of the florescent bulb slowly but surely sucks the moisture from your eyes and brains.

Of course with the psychic imprints from children past and present—ghosts—walking the hall, peeking from rooms, and brushing the psyche, it can get a little heavy on the mind in other ways, too. This sort of thing can only lead to a postmodern bit of poetry.

Eye Fatigue

Objects seem at rest
    like tide pools
  rippling in the sun’s hard light
      thoughts drip restless ease

Lull back heavy lids
    to waking dreams
  feel the touch of ghosts and
      shadow conversation

Bright light darkens
    blurring mental eyes
  blind mind draws
      long cloudy veils

A familiar name
    catches in the ear
  twitch slide cross jerk
      white flash sudden cold

Braille

There’s a young blind man that frequents one of the coffee houses I like. Whenever he comes tapping in with his white cane, there is always this pretty lady with him. She dotes over him and helps him with whatever he needs. She could be his sister, or his lover, but I suspect that they’re intimate.

The last time I saw them at the coffee house, I found myself drafting this poem, thinking about what it must be like for him. Later I revised it further. It’s abstract, as I imagine a blind person must perceive the world in an abstract sort of way.

Braille

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

E merge nce

My 1st trisect poem. The trisect is my own semantically complex poetic form which I will use to help me with developing my use of depictive language.

E merge nce

Fortress

walls of paper kept the world at bay
cubes of indistinction none would see
where settled there within a watcher peered

the dusty brown a perfect camouflage
propped against a wall or by a hedge
passed a thousand times by reckless feet

corrugated fibers held the wind
so that the space inside was made to form
a child’s island haven from the storm

sometimes it was a spaceship among the stars
sometimes a moon-base on a barren scape
sometimes a roving tank all battle-scarred
but always it provided safe escape
 

Goliath

shaped from molten vats of ore
molded by a burning greed
riveted with violent force
pieces merge to fill a need

manifest from heavy silence
oils surge and slowly drip
uncertainty across the roads

power charges through its frame
explosions channeled in its chest
to serve a senseless master’s will

tires grind an alley’s dirt
shadows steer a ghostly wheel
the phantom grill athirst for blood
 

Impact

black lightning strikes the living clay
evaporating life from every limb
suspending consciousness alone
void of breath yet interfused with fear

tires spin throughout the dark
an engine roars above a twisted neck
inches from a lifeless face
psychic tethers anchored in vibration

a heedless monster lumbers back
the shelter shattered open like a nest
blood resumes its former course
and wild bones reanimate the flesh

a figure stands and staggers numb with pain
screams and scampers filled with terror
headlights rear and fade away
a child’s bones left fractured like his mind

The first segment focuses on cardboard. I used to create cardboard forts when I was a child—sometimes very elaborate—and hang out in them all day long. Some of them would be portable, and some would be built in vacant lots or alleyways blocks or miles from home. They were always very well camouflaged, so my little hideout would remain my little hideout. The portable ones I’d often setup at the edge of a busy parking lot, made to look like a pile of scrap cardboard, where I’d hang out and just watch people without them knowing. These simple forts were a safe haven for me, a private place to go and be away from troubles and worries. And I had my share.

The second segment focuses on the automobile, the car. I remember reading up on their manufacturing process and design, and the primary materials used in their construction, before starting this segment.

The third segment focuses on a little mishap I had in one of those cardboard forts as a 14 year old, which involved a car. It was in an alleyway a few blocks from home. City blocks. Los Angeles City blocks. About a mile away at least. I had some big fight with my mother that day and decided I’d just have my own space that night in a cardboard fort I and a friend had built a day or two before. It was a beautiful fort, with four separate compartments, each of which were big enough to lay out flat in. The whole thing was masterfully camouflaged with various sorts of debris from the area, including dead palm branches and branches of other sorts. In the end it looked like a slash pile, just a bunch of branches and other random materials tossed into a pile—but it was hollow, and there were access points.

That night as I slept a car slammed into the fort and ran over my right arm, shoulder, and neck, breaking the upper arm longways from near the elbow across to the top near the ball socket, and blew a piece out of the ball socket itself. My neck was severely sprained—which is of course a miracle. It was possible to make out the tire treads on my throat. How I happened to be aligned such that the tire didn’t snap my head one way and pop my skull off the spine like a bottle opener I have no idea.

This was my first NDE. I have no way to prove it, but I just know. I know what I experienced, and I was dead for at least a moment—and a moment is long enough to be dead. Sometime I’ll dedicate some poetry and discussion to that experience. But as I “returned”, after the car had somehow managed to back up off me without running over my neck a second time, I sprang up in a panic, and it came toward me again, then stopped, then backed all the way down the alley and around the far corner, as if in a mad rush to escape affiliation with the mishap. I’ll never forget the sight of those headlights.

I was near a series of hotels. And each time I knocked, with my left arm since right wouldn’t respond, the owners would come to the door and I’d ask for help and they’d slam the door on me. It sucked. In this manner I ended up up making my way half a mile to an apartment complex my mom had lived in a year or so before, where some people knew me, and an ambulance was called.

irruption

Dreams can irrupt into waking life. Sometimes waking life feels like a dream. Reality is subjective, and its significance even more so. An irruption is the polar opposite of an eruption. As selves, our egos are forever erupting into our environment, influencing everything from landscapes to the behaviors of others. But we are like bubbles drifting through a larger, heavier fluid. Once in awhile our bubble weakens and lets something in from that fluid unconscious that challenges our sense of reality—this is an irruption.

irruption

all in a moment
   reality peels back and reveals
       the unknown…

               snowflakes fall to the sky
           boulders drift through a canopy
       rustling leaves as puffy white clouds
   leave craters where they fall to earth

snap to
   eyes open
       reach for balance…

               walls breathe in darkness
           linens screech at silence
       ceramic tiles gnaw the legs
   of your trembling bed

grip the sandpaper blankets
   fingernails splintering
       shut tight your eyes…

               cold coils around your wrist
           fibers burrow into the skin
       as something parts the covers
   by your recoiling feet

spring from bed
   stumble to light
       shatter the darkness…

               nothing but familiarity
           the rumpled sheets
       an unvacuumed carpet
   a flickering heartbeat

Starscape

Within my mind there has always been the nagging notion that maybe we are not actually what we think ourselves to be. That all of our experiences are manifest, projected, from powerful minds that reach out into the void of space to touch one another and interact. I talk of stars, the stars that pepper the night, the endless billions of stars.

Starscape

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

Publication History:

Tales of the Talisman — September 2006

Phrases

Here’s another old ghazal from the archives, slightly modified for flow and imagery. I’m starting to wonder how many of these I’ll end up resurrecting as I go through them. Note that this post is backlogged to the date the ghazal was actually written.

Phrases

Teens drive by in rides that thump out caustic phrases,
And yet nearby brown robins chirp out lyric phrases.

Calling from the minaret, a scowling prophet
Feigns to see with empty words in vatic phrases.

Winding, rippling in the wood and through the meadow,
Streams converge and weave to town with rustic phrases.

Shattered concrete, fallen bridges, broken towers:
Ravaged structures heard the call of seismic phrases.

Pooled in valleys, morning mists floats up the canyons—
Water rising from a lake of magic phrases.

Hiding deep in yellowed fabrics, cracked and tearing,
Wisdom fades into a scrap of relic phrases.

Bald eccentric maples stand by bony poplars;
Autumn shadows speak with dark and mystic phrases.

Shielding life, a veil of blue shuts out the heavens,
Then at night the curtain parts to cosmic phrases.

Call them pearls or gems or beads or what you fancy;
Still, the necklace forms a string of strophic phrases.

Relax, Zahhar, and just write ghazals till your done;
Countless thoughts can still be formed in distich phrases.

This is my 112th ghazal.

Occurrences

Found this hiding in the folder for February, 2003, which contains five ghazals. I managed to polish it off a bit and steady the meter some before posting.

Occurrences

Ridges slope to meet the waves in gradient appearance;
Foliage climbs to each lone peak in variant appearance.

Soft the half-moon’s halo glows in the subtle haze of night,
Where undulating ocean foam gleams salient appearance.

Endless in collapse upon a steady, slow expansion,
Shedding light, the sun maintains a radiant appearance.

Countless shades of blue reveal within the arching heavens
Something more felt than seen in all its ambient appearance.

Ten thousand modes of thought assume that life is nowhere else,
That we alone dream near the rim, a sapient appearance.

Emptiness can only hold the ceaseless apparitions;
Where would we have, without the void, to orient appearance?

All these forms that seem so real are passing just like thought—
Zahhar, you too are simply but a transient appearance.

This is my 109th ghazal.