October Moonrise

I happened to visit a storefront a couple weeks back that’s nestled in the eastern foothills of the Sierras along I80, a few miles west of Reno. Soon as I pulled up, I noticed the full moon and realized my luck. I hurried my way into and out of the store so I could hang out a while and take in the view. As I did so, watching every subtle change for 20 minutes or so as dusk rose up to meet and overtake the moon, I couldn’t help but notice that not one of the several dozen people who came to make a purchase from this store so much as looked up to take notice of this spectacular scene unfolding before and around them. In some ways I felt sorry for these people, in other ways frustrated. How does one not notice such splendor? How does one stand before the throne of God and see nothing? I thought that impossible strains and terrors must be burdening and goading these poor creatures along to render them so incapable of seeing this rare panorama that perhaps occurs only once a year.

October Moonrise

large and silent the full moon hovers over
a pine studded ridge just inside the gray
purple haze that marks the closing
                                        edge of night

dark citrine plates climb high into a pair
of ponderosas where they reach out to join
spiky tufts of green that overhang and
                                        frame the moon

overhead cloudless skies still resonate
the deep cool purity of day as ravens
quietly fan claw-like wings up the canyon
                                        home to roost

that hazy rim rises faster than the moon
it folds like an eyelid ever so slowly
on the all-seeing gaze of Odin’s singular
                                        ice blue orb

a few of the keenest stars begin to burn
through darkness that gradually creeps
up from the long horizon like a distant fog to
                                        touch the moon

cars pull to a pause in the newly paved lot
people emerge thumbing their phones
to the store and back never once lifting
                                        up their heads

i sit on a rock by the concrete walkway
eyes struggling to take in every nuance
chest riven by surreal resonance with
                                        all i see

the calling

I had a sense of my calling by the time I was 12, but it wasn’t until the middle of 2001, 18 years later before I knew for sure. The calling is a strange thing. It doesn’t come with instructions. There are no guides. To follow it may be just as difficult as not to, but for very different reasons. The force of one’s calling demands all attention. Once known, if one turns one’s back on it, out of fear of poverty, marginalization, or not being able to realize its potential, then the despair that follows is as overpowering and destructive as the circumstances may be in heeding that call. For me, heeding the call meant simply casting myself on the current that had already swept away all else, and staying afloat as best I can. And in my case, it really has meant poverty, marginalization, and a continuing uncertainty with regard to realizing its potential.

the calling

it wails like an infant
crazed with wordless hunger
eyes wrinkled shut
toothless gums wide
fists balled tightly by
round quivering cheeks

it will not be ignored

it howls like a tempest wind
incessant against white paned windows
it rattles the mahogany door
in its frame and knocks
shadowy branches against deep
brown asphalt shingles

it will not be dismissed

it swells like a flood
seeping through sandbags
creeping up one wet carpeted stair
at a time until even the old maples
just outside succumb to the current
and the house leaves its foundation

it will not be turned away

once it is known
it cannot be unknown

it hungers within
rattles the windows of thought
floods the foundations of soul
until all of life is swept away
cast adrift on that one last
current of meaning

Cupid

If you take the lips—curved to a smile—as the bow, the cooing voice as the string, and eye contact as the arrows, then you may have Cupid himself, my son. Never in my life has love struck me so deep in the chest over and over, with each look and smile—each sincere, honest smile.

Cupid

Not one great archer of ancient times—
not Arash, Arjuna, Houyi or Odysseus—
not even the ageless Titans had strength
enough to bend back and string your bow.

Yet each day with remarkable ease you
curl back the tips and notch the string.

With hardly a thought you draw back one
shaft after another, and each streak of light
finds its mark deep in the still-beating heart,
the only wound a fire of unbridled affection.

My ribs are riddled, glowing warm
with the mystery of your unassuming skill.

Gray Brown Eyes

He has a floor mat with a domed shape tripod frame that sets over it. Toy animals hang from the frame just low enough for him to whack at, grab onto, and of course look at. When it comes time to feed, I’ll often sit down next to the mat, slide him over and rest his head just above my ankle bone, which gives the bottle a nice angle, especially since it’s the type of bottle that doesn’t run freely. He has to really suck out the formula.

Sitting there thus, I’ll hunch over and look at him while he nurses the bottle. Lately he has taken to looking at me, too—right in the eyes. We stare at one another, and wildly intense, indescribable emotions well up.

Gray Brown Eyes

I don’t know what you’re thinking
                                   or if you’re thinking

Your eyes are oceans of ancestry
and each time you look at me
each time you study my face with
those pure wide open wells
I begin to drown in their fathomless
                                   age

Then
      gently slowly
                       you blink
                                   and look away

For a moment the spell is broken
and I gasp for breath in my soul
claw at the rocks and pull myself
ashore
                                   ribs bellowing

Yet your eyes flood back to me
relentless as a tidal bore
and I am swept along and pressed
among debris to wash end over end
through unremembered histories

The momentum slows to a pause
for the space of a kick and a flail
then broken splintered timbers sweep
back once more toward that ancient
                                   abysmal pain

And just as I lose the last of my
strength to tread that awful swell
amid invisible fragments of time that
scrape and cut hands feet and mind
and I let go to slip drift sink beneath
                                   darkness

Once more
          gently slowly
                        you blink
                                   and look away

I don’t know what I’m thinking
                                   or if I’m thinking

Malaya

We knew the name within an hour of finding out she was pregnant. We batted around a couple of ideas, and when “Malaya” jumped out we both knew this would be the name. It took neither one of us to convince the other. We just knew. “Malaya” is Tagalog for “Free”.

Some have asked me what it felt like to discover that I would be a father. It’s not an easy thing to put into words. In fact, it’s beyond complex. Poetry may be the only verbal or written medium where it could even be attempted. So, here it is—to the best of my ability. Here is what it felt like.

Malaya

Everywhere they sense it

To the west in the mountains
     the junco hops to the cedar’s highest twig
          and warbles out to the east
     the marmot comes out from beneath his rock
          and twitches his whiskers east
     the big ram balances on a granite crag
          and nods his great curled horns to the east

To the south in the sun-stroked deserts
     the scorpion stops in the underbrush
          and scrabbles to face the north
     the wary diamondback quiets his rattle
          and flickers his tongue to the north
     the gray fox peers from her rocky den
          and turns her head to the north

To the east where grasses sing to passing clouds
     the large elk cranes his rack from the stream
          and fills his eyes with the west
     the black-tailed prairie dogs climb from the earth
          and gaze as one to the west
     the bald eagle breaks from her circled flight
          and rises on winds from the west

To the north on the ageless tundra
     the stern-faced grizzly stops to check the breeze
          and points his nose to the south
     the caribou pause on long expanses of green
          and lift their heads to the south
     the ptarmigan hops to a boulder-top
          and studies the view to the south

Even on the far side of the world
     the lion shakes his mane and sniffs
          quietly at the air
     the elephant matriarch raises her trunk
          fans her ears and scans the horizon
     the old crocodile holds his lunge and allows
          the watering wildebeest to bound away

And for a moment
     for the briefest inkling of time
          the sun the distant stars
               the planets and their moons
                    the far-flung comets and meteors
                         and even the most faded galaxies
     pause completely still

For a new star has flared life in the darkness
     borne on ancient cosmic winds
          from the dust of all that has ever been

                              And his name is Free
                         as white billowed clouds
                    as thistledown on the breeze
               as cottonwood seeds blown through the void
          as starlight flashed through geometries of night

Our son is due to arrive around June 21st.

Darkwater

This is very loosely inspired by Walden Pond, near Concord, Massachusetts. The place created here for reflection and as a metaphor for the “I” behind the “I”, the self beneath the self, the deep, dark, fathomless, impenetrable nature of being, is purely of the imagination. Yet, it is also a place I “know” and have sometimes been able to visit.

Darkwater

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

Maybe this

I am realizing that writing free verse is an integral part of my writing structured verse. In fact, I’m noticing that when I fail to spend some time exploring free verse, my structured verse suffers miserably and my overall creative flow backs up like a plugged toilet. Not a pleasant sensation.

I stumbled across some notes in an old composition book tonight and decided to flush them out a bit.

Maybe this

Maybe this is what I must do
  read tangible silence
    let my mind work over
      stories fables histories
        discoveries metered lore

                     climb
                  down
               ladders of
            thought
         line by
      line

until at last she stands on

         something
            soft
               forgiving
                  easy

      and is lulled to rest
   in the roaring quiet of

                           contemplation

The Chant

Last year during Advent I joined my wife at mass several mornings in a row at Saint Thomas Aquinas Cathedral—downtown Reno—before taking her to work. She is a deeply spiritual and faith-driven person, and Catholicism is one of the main ways her faith and spirituality find expression. As a non-religious person, I enjoy listening to and analyzing the homilies from a cultural standpoint. Then begins the long and often beautiful ritual of communion, at this location usually cantillated.

The Chant

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

One for Each

After learning about the mass killings in Newtown, CT, we are keeping vigil tonight. I think we all are.

One for Each

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

Gitche Manitou

Gitche Manitou is an Algonquian (Amerindian language group encompassing many tribes) phrase meaning all of “great spirit”, “great mystery”, and “great entity”. Manitou on its own subtracts “great” from these transliterations. This poem explores these three aspects of Gitche Manitou, and then some—Hence the title.

Gitche Manitou

  Before the first breath stretched my lungs,
  I felt throughout my entity a
  resonance that filled the mind with
  song as soft as morning drizzle.

Light touched my gaze with stained glass colors,
a struggle to understand amorphous
shapes that drifted like clouds and vanished
amid this song that grazed awareness.

Slowly, shapes became still and acquired
purpose and meaning—a name for each;
even the curious shape that stared back from
every silver reflection was named.

Seasons passed; the sidewalk laurels
cast their sundial shadows across long
years, expanding and shrinking with time as
understanding grew with the bones.

One day I began to seek the source of
this subtle song that brushed my skin like
static electric potentials—a nameless
song that moved like a wind from nowhere.

Though I could hear like waters rumpling
in darkness this abstract song, the stream
itself could not be found, nor the place
from whence its waters issued forth.

And thus it went as my long walk began,
I followed this ubiquitous sound without so
much as a clue from whence it came
and found only earth, the sky, and the stars.

For everywhere the song was heard;
where neon, steel and concrete rise up
from desperate shadows it was heard, and
where tempest waves besiege dark cliffs.

Where gray stone monuments stand silent
guard in fields of grass it echoed
like a dirge, and where rotting sideboard
peeled away from homes abandoned.

Where old growth sugar pines sway tall in
coastal alpine vales it shimmered, and
where winds etch patterns in swaying stands of
maize as far as the eye can see.

Where granite peaks protrude through clouds
it whispered ever so softly, and where
the sagebrush dream in the quiet light of
a half moon drifting in opal darkness.

For years I listened, searching on,
this strange and subtle song reechoed
always through my thoughts, yet never
nearing once its secret spring.

And so this dreamlike quest for insight
slowly waned for lack of headway
until more practical concerns
took hold, demanding all attention.

For in a world where everyone’s an
expert and none admit to knowing
nothing on any subject broached,
I learned no clues about this song.

No clues, but yet I hear it still,
all around—in everything from
stones within the riverbed to
red bricks mortared in the wall.

The song lifts up from dragonflies,
June bugs strong upon the air,
houseflies on the windowsill, and
silver moths that circle streetlamps.

It burgeons forth from hardy black oaks,
aspens shimmering through the air,
blue spruce towering near the ridgetop,
and alders lurking by the stream.

It emanates from grand paulownias,
little cloud-like stands of yarrow,
trillium gleaming in the forest,
and roses rioting by the fence.

It even wells from manmade things,
the favorite coffee cup, the car,
the painting in the living room,
the lamp, the nightstand, and the bed.

All things sing their beingness
amid the beingness of all,
yet no thing gives away the place from
whence the songs of all things rise.

The song remains a mystery,
an all pervasive mystery
that resonates a sentience,
a presence, and an intellect.

And as the years advance I learn
to just accept it as it is; for
this song that manifests us all
is that great mystery within.

I’ll find you

I suddenly realized there was an entry in my large journal that hadn’t yet been transcribed to ASCII. When I read it over, I realized it might be worth turning into an actual poem.

I’ll find you

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

The “you” in focus here is the creative self.