A note from Adam

A moment came to my mind, clear as an ocean sunset. In that moment I saw Adam on his deathbed, speaking somewhat randomly up to the roof of his hut. Next to him were his many children, grandchildren, and great great great great great grandchildren. They listened to his words, and after a time they realized he was speaking to his creator, having seen or realized something about the generations to come.

A note from Adam

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

loam

What would I miss the most about the West Coast should I move away and make my home elsewhere? The redwoods. The tall stands of old growth redwoods that no camera or photographer can do a moment’s justice. I’ve gotten to know these trees over the past several years, and have connected with them in ways not easily expressed. They feel like friends, close friends. The tall drafty halls feel like the house my spirit has lived in for a million years.

loam

will your long slender roots
reach down and tickle my
thoughts through four
billion years of magma

will the call of an owl echo
from your chambered halls
and skim the cloudscapes
to my faraway ears

will your deep green needles
cast just enough fragrance
to refresh my memory
from the far side of the earth

will i see in the highest vapors
reflected off ice crystals the
faintest reflection of
your topmost branches

i will return to haunt you
to touch your red-brown bark
sit by your fountains and
sing to your leaves

if it be only my ghost
i will come again and drift
like drizzle through the scent
of your ancient gloom

In Yolla Bolly

There is a wilderness area in California near Ukiah, where I live, called Yolla Bolly Wilderness. Most locals have no idea it exists. It’s a pristine wilderness, never logged. And roads have never been cut into the region. The trails are only scarcely maintained due to budget cuts, which actually increases the appeal of the park by large degrees, making it feel the more wild, natural, and untouched.

In Yolla Bolly

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general. However, the above player can still be used to listen to it.

I spent six days backpacking solo there from Sep 7th to the 12th, just three weeks after a lightning storm blew through and set 17 fires ablaze. All but three of these were out when my walk began. Two of the three were as yet uncontained, but the third was expected to be all the way out soon. The uncontained fires burned about 15 miles north by northeast and 10 miles northeast of my trailhead. I had an informative chat with the fire chief in person about the fires before going out, and he assured me that the area of the park I planned to visit would be safe for backpacking. I carried with me a map of the locations of the active and recently active fires, so I was able to avoid them all.

This is the first time I’ve backpacked solo more than three nights, and the second time I’ve backpacked solo at all. To my surprise I didn’t come across a single person during my six day walk. But this was a welcome surprise. A very welcome surprise.

As I walked I sometimes found myself reflecting on my experiences backpacking with others and my observations of those I’ve come across in the backcountry. Everyone I’ve backpacked with or come across has always been filled with a blustering impatience, stressed to be here and there or do this and that during their hikes. Their thoughts were full of highest places, longest treks, conquering some aspect of the wilderness, themselves, or both. Then I thought of the loggers, hunters, rafters, and how it seems that anyone who comes to the wilderness comes not to commune with her, but to conquer some aspect of her nature, to take home a trophy.

It was nice to walk alone, at my own pace and in harmony with my surroundings, rather than hike with others, trekking madly about, on the clock to be here and there, with hardly the time or energy left to notice where I was, where I’d been, what was around me. I found that upon returning from such hikes, I couldn’t remember one vivid detail of my experience, other than being in a rush, straining to my limits, and feeling like I had been roped and dragged by a pickup to a bone-splintering pulp.

This time I got to visit with the wilderness, get to know her a little, enjoy her company. The experience was, and continues to be in vivid memory, refreshing and harmonizing.

I welcome the conquerors to their ways, and to each other. But I have finally discovered mine, and something of myself.

Open Road

I won’t have time to go over my route until I’m back in Reno, where I’ll spend a few nights at a friend’s before going the rest of the way home. Presently I’m in Frisco, CO. I hope to be in the Grand Junction area before nightfall. Thought I’d sit down with a bagel sandwich and dedicate a few brain cells to the task of tapping up a small poem, see what happens.

Open Road

Your contours lead my thoughts
  like slender fingers parting
    slightly cracked lips
      for a sigh

Your peaks and valleys invite
  my earnest exploration
    teasing the deepest pits
      of my stomach

I’ll never tire of your curves
  your long smooth stretches
    your heated breath
      against my cheeks

By Julia C. R. Dorr’s Grave

At the apex of my trip to Vermont I spent several days in Rutland, where I visited the grave of Julia Dorr. Later, as I reflected upon that visit, I drafted some thoughts that eventually became this poem. First the poem, then the story of how I found her grave.

By Julia C. R. Dorr’s Grave

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general.

Friday night—well early Saturday morning—I rolled into Rutland, Vermont, after winding through various small roads of interest in Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Iowa, Pennsylvania, New York, and finally Vermont. This took me another three nights of camping and four days of driving. I’ll detail my route for this portion of my trip in a later post, mostly for myself because I know that later I’ll want to remember and reflect on it.

Saturday morning I washed my clothes, dressed decent, and set off to find the grave of one of my poet progenitors, Julia Dorr. This is the whole reason for my drive. At Evergreen Cemetery I parked my rental near the office just inside the front gate, planning on inquiring after the location of Julia’s plot. But the office was closed for the weekend. So I set off walking, through a city of rough-hewn final dwelling places. Shortly up the main road into the cemetery, it forks.

Though I felt her grave would be up the left fork, which went up through a series of vales into a heavily afforested area where the headstones literally disappeared from view among the trees, I chose the right fork, after some hesitation. My feeling was that she’d be up the left fork, but my feeling was also that I should walk up the right fork. Paradoxes like this can lead to moments of indecision that can just about split you in half and have each half hopping along its chosen fork.

A couple hundred feet up the right fork a man drove up behind me, and I turned to flag him down. He stopped and I ask him if he knows the cemetery well. He informed me that he is the current president of the cemetery, and that he knows it pretty well. I gave him Julia’s full name, “Julia Caroline Ripley Dorr”, and he instantly said, “Ah yes, the Ripleys. She’s buried up by General Ripley’s monument.” I vaguely recalled that she was related in some way, perhaps the daughter, of a General Ripley who was involved in the Civil War.

He then told me that he’s both the right person to come to, and the wrong person to ask, because he only remembers the general area of the cemetery owned by the Ripleys. He pointed me in the direction where he felt my search would yield some fruit (back down and up the left fork to a particular area) after giving me a name and number to call on if I failed to locate her grave.

He told me that he remembered the monument which was erected for the Ripleys in memory of the General as being a big monument. But I think it would have helped me considerably if he had remembered that it as the largest and most elaborate monument in the park. I assumed the “monument” was one of the many large family head stones, great big rectangular blocks, some fairly elaborate, that cast their shadows over a series of much smaller headstones. Most such ‘overstones’ had engraved upon them just a single name, the family name, while the smaller headstones had the full names of the dead along with their arrival and departure dates. Some of the smaller blocks were larger, and had one name with its arrival and departure dates carved upon it, while next to that name would be another—with only an entry date, waiting.

During my search I noticed this secluded twenty to twenty-five foot tall limestone monument up a hill and well into the trees, only visible from certain angles as I climbed about the hillsides checking the names on overstones and larger headstones. But I only went to look at it after I spent about two and a half hours looking everywhere else in the area the man had mentioned. I never would have guessed that this large monument would be the one.

It was possibly fifteen feet by fifteen feet, in the shape of a Greek cross, maybe five feet in height along its naves. From the transept rose a pillar into a pair of angel wings holding a globe, which faced the sunrise. On the face of each nave was carved the full names of the parents of a given branch of the Ripley family, and behind these, along the sides of the naves that faced the same direction were the full names of their children, with their arrival and departure dates below. The headstones themselves were small and uniform and had only the abbreviated names embossed atop them, nothing more. Julia’s plot lay beside her husband’s plot. At their feet were buried five of their children.

One thing that struck me as strange was that Julia’s grave was the only one over which the grass was slightly browned. Over the rest of the plots the grass was more uniform in color.

A Strange Anticipation

One of the poets to reach me as a teen is buried near Rutland, Vermont. Not sure why I have this itch to visit her place of rest, and to walk by the home where she once lived. It’s been nagging at me for a few years now. On Wednesday I begin my long drive to the other coast, where I will pay my respects.

I think I’ll sing a couple of her poems by her plot.

A Strange Anticipation

How is it I feel the slight wind even now,
          almost breathing on my thoughts, and
the gentle green resistance of grass
          beneath my tennis shoes?

How is it I sense a partial shade
          across the hairs of my neck,
cast by the whispering arms of a fir
          planted long before my time?

How is it I see through surrounding trees
          small white clouds, folding in silent
contrast across clear blue depths, and there
          your weather beaten stone?

Though I have yet to pay my respects, I feel
          an approaching familiarity.
I don’t know what compels me to drive so far,
          just to stand by your grave.

Maybe I hope to find a touch of your presence,
          still lingering behind.
Or perhaps some small piece of inspiration,
          left twinkling in the grass.

shimmer

I had maybe five hours sleep over course of four days when I wrote this, and I had just come off a 20 minute break at work, which involved a fitful nap fraught with sleep paralysis and vivid “dreams” that I mistook for actual goings on. An interesting mix peculiar to the narcoleptic.

    shimmer

          footsteps fall
across scattered dreams
     i hear your voice
  but see no face

          a radio drones
in a nearby half-lit room
     a body stirs beneath
  light brown covers

          something moves
outside in the dark
     creaking almost silent
  above the ceiling

          i try to ask your name
my lips won’t move
     and my voice grants no expression
  to the wind

Musing out loud

Been wanting to play more with imaginative poems that tell a story of some sort. So, here’s one. Going for the vague approach for the time being. I like vague. I like interpretable.

Musing out loud

I’ll wait for you here.
  I trust you’re not far.
          It was you who called me,
      after all.

I still remember.
  I lived in decay,
          the kind that can’t be overcome
      by strength or will.

In the cellar of broken dreams
  you shone your light
          and found me, emaciated,
      covered in cobwebs.

You left the old door open,
  standing just outside,
          and read out loud, so I could see
      stories in darkness.

Many seasons passed.
  But I finally emerged,
          lured to the sound
      of your lyric visions.

You placed one hand
  firm on my shoulder,
          and my knees nearly buckled
      from weakness.

You said, “Now you’ve come,
  emerged into light.
          And you’ll never return
      to the shadows.”

We walked.
  You talked of potential,
          of patience and study
      and time.

I listened.
  I watched the clouds climb
          where mountains reach out
      to the skies.

You talked of acceptance,
  the power of faith,
          a trust in the value
      of learning.

I listened,
  and built castles of sand
          and watched them return
      to the sea.

Then I suddenly saw it,
  the long steady path
          you had been hinting at
      with breadcrumb words.

It was covered in shrubs,
  weaves of poison oak,
          and the old fallen branches
      of deeply rooted tears.

And I found myself
  shifting the past years’ leaves
          beneath an uncertain tread
      of discovery.

Behind me I heard
  your soft-fallen feet
          hardly disturbing
      the settled breath of dew,

and the sound of your voice,
  naming the leaves,
          the blossoms, stones and creatures
      on the way.

And each had a story,
  of birth and being—
          the stones that weep dreams;
      the earthquake birth of ravens;

the old madrone
  who clothed the fox with her bark
          so he would not be cold;
      the star that seeded lilies.

And each was a marvel,
  a touch of understanding,
          a fresh new flash of light
      in my soul.

We came to a cabin,
  moons along the way,
          filled with lost ideas
      and empty pages.

I lit the candles,
  read beneath the darkness,
          and penciled meditations,
      brief as lake-borne mist.

Collecting berries,
  I played with long dead lyrics,
          reciting little moments
      to the wind.

One day you told me,
  “This time is yours.
          You can never really own it
      while I remain.”

And so you left,
  assuring you’ll return
          when one day I am ready
      to skim the stars.

Presence

Sometimes it seems as if the unit I keep watch over at night is in some way haunted. There are so many times I would see something move toward me down the long dark hall—something there and yet not there, tangible and yet intangible—only to watch it dissipate back into nothing once it reached the cone of light cast from the bathroom.

The kids, asleep in their rooms, would stir as it moved past. And once in awhile it would dip into a doorway, followed a moment later by an anguished cry from the child that sleeps there. I would go down to look, only to find the child sound asleep and nothing else, save a strange cold sensation in the air.

Presence

A shadow slips
      from the corner of my mind
   beneath a random lintel
joined with darkness

A muffled sob
      stirs beneath gray sheets
   as walls absorb
the thuds of restless sleep

The shadow blurs
      across the long dark hall
   and slides between
the jambs of dreamless rest

A long strained moan
      struggles from the gloom
   and crawls half noticed
toward faded shades of light

The shadow flickers
      dust from mothen wings
   into the hollows
of one more dusky room

A sudden holler
      echoes down the hall
   a broken sorrow
cursed into the night

The shadow rustles
      like shaken autumn leaves
   into the twilight
waking in the east

acceptance

Sometimes something breaks within ourselves, and the psyche is terrifically disfigured. Yet sometimes this becomes part of our growth and strength and not the cause of destruction.

acceptance

This poem has been published in my book an inkling hope: select poems, available in Kindle and paperback formats. Out of consideration for those who have purchased a copy, I have removed it from this post and online viewing in general. However, the above player can still be used to listen to it.

Fizzle

This is something along the lines of impressionist poetry.

Fizzle

I’ll grant you dreams
  which fold the beams
    of light until
      your shadow gleams

I’ll grant you shame
  to bless your name
    with blissful guilt
      and narrow fame

I’ll grant you tears
  a moment’s fears
    a glimpse of joy
      the span of years

I’ll grant you pain
  the crushing reign
    of silence forced
      across your vane

I’ll grant you space
  to briefly trace
    the edges of
      your aging face

I’ll grant you breath
  filled brim with wrath
    a glass of wine
      to drink your death