Fragments

This is the poem that got me started studying poetry very seriously in August of 2001. Before I wrote this, I was hopelessly stuck in free-verse mode, never exploring beyond the bounds of the paradigmatic popular. So, you’ll find that some of the language is archaic because this is what it took for me to create this piece.

After writing this, I spent the next two and a half years writing ghazals. To read those ghazals from the first to the last is to follow my progression as a poet from the sort of thing you see here part of the way to the sort of thing I write today. This piece, though I’ve edited it a few times since writing it, is still exemplary of my beginnings as a serious poet.

Fragments

What walks on four legs in the morning,
Two legs in the afternoon,
And three legs in the evening?

Dawn

Faint light appears along horizon’s edge;
With steady pace the still light brighter glows;
New promise comes with daybreak like a pledge.

Tide of gentle rising luminance flows;
Deep darkness slowly fades away from sight;
With steady pace the still light brighter glows.

Dim shapes concealed beneath the veil of night
Form into clarity with even stride;
Deep darkness slowly fades away from sight.

New life, from stasis, forth emerges wide;
Fresh understandings of brave life to be
Form into clarity with even stride.

Illuminance continues rising free;
And vivid hope within the heart inspires
Fresh understandings of brave life to be.

To utter brilliance from the slightest fires,
Faint light appears along horizon’s edge
And vivid hope within the heart inspires;
New promise comes with daybreak like a pledge.
 

Sunrise

Great new brilliant birthing springs resilient;
Erased is doubt from whence the light ensues;
Wondrous blooming sunlight climbs ebullient.

To resplendence from the first light’s pastel hues
This shining marvel heart and soul entrance;
Erased is doubt from whence the light ensues.

Deep knowing brooded warm of life’s advance
Until horizon’s edge erupted fire;
This shining marvel heart and soul entrance.

From thence the sun shall rise in tranquil gyre,
As such it streamed beneath the realm of sight
Until horizon’s edge erupted fire.

A glorious new day has taken flight;
Fresh living streams exultant into view,
As such it streamed beneath the realm of sight.

Hopes inmost and profound are realized true;
Great new brilliant birthing springs resilient;
Fresh living streams exultant into view;
Wondrous blooming sunlight climbs ebullient.
 

Morningtide

Exploring gently, day’s new light grows strong;
Forth climbs the sun into sky’s vast expanse;
Slow shrink the shadows as the day wears long.

Deep feeling forms with day’s glowing advance,
The sense of vibrant strength that shines in youth;
Forth climbs the sun into sky’s vast expanse.

Warmth deepens in the bold sun’s rising sooth,
And warmth within the heart of life instills
The sense of vibrant strength that shines in youth.

Lambency wondrous tender hope distills;
In fervent luminance the land is bathed
And warmth within the heart of life instills.

Life’s essence in all steadiness is lathed
As fullness of the day is slowly reached,
In fervent luminance the land is bathed.

Life’s greatest depths of meaning are beseeched;
Exploring gently, day’s new light grows strong
As fullness of the day is slowly reached,
Slow shrink the shadows as the day wears long.
 

Noontide

Day reaches utmost fullness of its run;
The land lay brightly blazoned neath the sky
Where at resplendent zenith burns the sun.

Shadows vanish before the fulgence high;
Great living light of day its prime has gained;
The land lay brightly blazoned neath the sky.

Deep feeling of life’s richness is attained
In radiance magnificently made,
Great living light of day its prime has gained.

The airy land in stillness bright is staid,
And deepest gentle warmth all life imbues
In radiance magnificently made.

Full strength of living in the heart ensues
As brilliant glows the day from boundless height
And deepest gentle warmth all life imbues.

Grand sense of freedom wonderful takes flight;
Day reaches utmost fullness of its run
As brilliant glows the day from boundless height
Where at resplendent zenith burns the sun.
 

Eventide

Slow fades the greater power of the day;
Bright sun forth to horizon makes return;
Life’s prime has gently passed in subtle sway.

Soft breezes whisper through day’s paced adjourn;
Calm cools the land with fading strength of light;
Bright sun forth to horizon makes return.

Reflections vivid come of living’s height
As nearer draws the daytide’s closing end,
Calm cools the land with fading strength of light.

A calmness settles deep as shadows scend,
And peaceful reckoning rises within
As nearer draws the daytide’s closing end.

Now mostly lived, life’s fullness goes to thin
As placid grows the sky in day’s advance,
And peaceful reckoning rises within.

Staid iridescence dims in far expanse;
Slow fades the greater power of the day
As placid grows the sky in day’s advance,
Life’s prime has gently passed in subtle sway.
 

Sunset

In paced decline withdraws the mighty sun;
All land and sky reflect the dying light,
Resplendent glory of the day is done.

Day’s utmost beauties saved till now take flight
Like effulgent gates of heaven gleaming,
All land and sky reflect the dying light.

Life’s swan song of light shines brightly dreaming,
Reflections stream of day’s long cavalcade
Like effulgent gates of heaven gleaming.

Shadows begin to blur in overshade
As sun’s last rays fall from horizon’s rim
Reflections stream of day’s long cavalcade.

Upon sky’s faintest vapors colors swim
Emblazoning the firmament’s expanse
As sun’s last rays fall from horizon’s rim.

Great culmination of day’s long romance,
In paced decline withdraws the mighty sun
Emblazoning the firmament’s expanse,
Resplendent glory of the day is done.
 

Dusk

Soft iridescence fades from heaven’s height;
To darkness deep the sky gradates from day
When cross the sky folds purple edge of night.

In firmament’s expanse the vapors gray
As silhouettes within the distance form;
To darkness deep the sky gradates from day.

Depthless tranquility broods deep and warm,
Day’s essence long in memory remains
As silhouettes within the distance form.

Into a milky hue the daylight wanes
As clarity to vagueness makes return,
Day’s essence long in memory remains.

In dimness issued forth from sun’s inurn
New hopes pierce the dark in twilight’s failing
As clarity to vagueness makes return.

Till horizon all alone lay paling
Soft iridescence fades from heaven’s height;
New hopes pierce the dark in twilight’s failing
When cross the sky folds purple edge of night.

This poem contains my 1st through my 7th terzanelles.

Publication History:

Muse Apprentice Guild (web-based) — Fall 2003

sorrow

This was written after experiencing a personal loss. At the time I wrote this, poetry was primarily just a pressure valve for strong emotions. But, still, this piece hints at some undeveloped potential.

sorrow

I

there sometimes exists inside
to utmost depths
nameless pains
agonies indescribable

they dwell within
beyond conscious reach
or understanding
swelling unexpressed

they taint each day
without our knowing
swallowing countless joys
destroying countless hopes

all unwitting we go through life
and from time to time
it wells forth a mighty urge
…and we push it away

push it back from whence it came
into the blackness
that place we dare not look
within our selves

…and there it struggles
seeking tirelessly to be known
seeking endlessly its acknowledgement
…and we go through life

we grow callous and bitter
cynical, untrusting and wary
it wears us down from within
eating away our organs and tissues

…because we will not see it
will not acknowledge it
this fantastic force of nature
this inexplicable force of emotion

it destroys us from within
…our denial grows stronger
it thrashes inside us
in its maddened struggle for release

it slowly tears at our organs
weakens our bones
rips our muscles and ligaments
…bit by bit it shreds our sanity

…as it struggles to find release
we go insane in our avoidance
unwilling to face it or accept it
unwilling to see it
 

II

a betrayal, a loss
always some form of loss
we are taught not to accept it
to say it doesn’t matter

just to grit the teeth and bare it
just to carry on in spite of it
just to push it down and pretend
pretend it doesn’t matter

but it does – and always will
it will never cease to matter
as our denial robs us of our sensitivity
turns our hearts into cold grey stones

we convince ourselves this is right
that we are becoming stronger
learning to protect ourselves
that this is what everyone does

perhaps this is true…
a great many kill themselves this way
pretending it isn’t there
that the pain doesn’t matter

that it’s not important
that it doesn’t deserve our attention
our unwavering acceptance
that it’s not okay to accept it

over time we master this art
this art of avoidance and denial
of pretending we’re okay
that the pain is trivial

…we choose not to see it
how it swallows our hearts and souls
yearning for recognition
striving for acceptance
 

III

it is our loss
the loss of a loved one or friend
the loss of a hope or dream
it is our sorrow and grief

we are told it is bad
that there is something wrong with us
that we shouldn’t feel it
the pain and emptiness

we are told to ignore it – put it away
make like it’s not there
that it doesn’t deserve our attention
that it’s unimportant

rarely are we told that it’s okay
to feel it and simply cry
let it well up from the hurt place inside
and bare forth its reality of loss

rarely are we told that it’s okay
to allow it into our voice
a crackling sound, a wailing pain
to wear it on our face like a hungry infant

to let it twist our lips
quiver our chin and cheeks
let it furrow our brow full of hurt
turning our face into a wellspring of pain

rarely is it mentioned that it will pass
that the flow of agonizing pain will cease
that if we let it rupture our composure
telling ourselves it will be okay – over and over

that if we release the horror of grief
and comfort ourselves as we cry
it will pass and everything will be okay
the sorrow passes

that when it does pass
colors sharpen and beauty becomes electric
joy becomes real and unfettered
and we learn an unmanipulative compassion

that when it does pass
we truly are stronger
more willing to feel
more willing to live

but no-one told us
and we don’t realize
so long as we trap it inside
it never, ever will pass

so long as we imprison our pain
it will slowly rend us asunder
as it finds expression despite ourselves
forcing us constant agony
 

IV

men don’t cry
only women and sissies cry
call me a sissy you bastard
that’s fine

this is my pain not yours
get away from me
go ahead and deny yourself life
i can’t change you

when i need to i will cry
i will let my face contort from the grief
i will tell myself it’s okay
that everything will be okay

i’ll assure myself that it will pass
that it’s okay to feel it
that it’s important and real
that the feelings are real and okay

and when it’s over
when the shuddering sobs cease
when the release of emotion has finished
i’ll go eat a fantastic fudge sundae

i’ll admit to myself that it really hurt
and eat the damned sundae like it matters
enjoying every bite
savoring every moment of its delightfulness

it doesn’t fulfill an expectation
it just comforts me
my heart raw from feeling
feeling such depth of emotion

it is a validation
an acknowledgement
that it was, is and will be okay
that i really do accept it

and when i see the sunset
a full moon on a clear night
a spectacular cloudscape on the horizon
a beautiful flower garden or woman

my heart will leap out at them
in unrestrained joy and delight
because i accepted within myself
accepted without reservation my sorrow

because i accepted the grief and the pain
i accept also my joy
and become free to know what it really is
because i let go of the sorrow

and it was okay